As a 50s-something white guy from Maine, I grew up in a rural world with its related attitudes. You might imagine we weren’t overly gay-friendly in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s. If a guy had an earring, he was gay, at least to us. And we called him a fag.
At least until a friend or two each got an earring during the Punk era, and it seems to me we more or less accepted it. The earring, not any possibility of being gay, as that was unimaginable, and certainly not allowed.
Fast forward to my college years, and while I was aware of the gay club on campus, I had little-to-no contact and rarely thought about gays, lesbians, or others, though I’m sure I had generally negative feelings toward them, and their lifestyle.
A Gay Bar
Then around graduation, by chance, an exotic girl suggested we go to her favorite club for our first date. She, being from the Caribbean and with lots of gay friends, choose a gay club, without telling me until we arrived. She wanted to ensure I could accept and be positive around her gay friends and their lives. Good for her on this.
I was pretty surprised but, as I hate no one and try hard to get along with everyone, I went along with it and had a decent time. I even ran into a couple of guys I knew from school, who I had no idea played for the other team. I made sure to stay close to my girl so it was clear I was not one of ‘them’.
Fortunately, most gay guys, then and now, have good gaydar, and they knew I was not into them, so contrary to my expectations, no one hit on me, and I was able to people watch.
Well, almost no one, other than my neighbor at the men’s room urinals, who commented on my exposed body parts—an amusing story, then & now.
We went to that club several more times, but it got kinda boring, as it’s hard to talk to guys in a gay club, and there were few girls to look at; so we started going elsewhere. But I never forgot how that place, whose name is long forgotten, got me over the hump, shall we say, of accepting gays & lesbians.
That was it
And that was it. Gay guys are just guys, maybe better dressed and sometimes more colorful, but that’s it. From that point onward, and undoubtedly due to my girlfriend’s influence, I completely accepted gays and became a strong supporter of LGBT issues.
In fact, after moving to San Francisco years later and living near the Castro, I was disappointed to not be in town for the brief gay wedding registration period in 2004. I would have been right at city hall volunteering to help manage the crowds and process, super happy that gay folks could finally marry the ones they loved. I’m still pleased that my beloved state of Maine led the way as the first state where voters, not courts or legislators, approved gay marriage.
Trans Folks
A few years later, I was working with an insurance software company and we were in Chicago, on-site at a customer to install our products. There was a transgender woman in the software department who was making a slow years-long male-to-female transition at that time.
There were plenty of snickers, and some jokes, mostly due to her having a wife and kids, which struck us as very strange, and we often wondered about the effects on them. We later also mused about bathrooms, which did indeed become an issue until she got a dedicated toilet. That was 20 years ago.
And while I never worked with her, and we only shared a meeting or two, she was universally regarded as a very nice person and very competent at her job. Most people were happy to work with her, and in a big city mixed-race and gender office with thousands of people in the ’90s, no one really seemed to care, which was impressive.
And that was it. She was just a person, good at her job, and while there were a few jokes for a while, no one really cared that much, and that was it. And from that, I accepted trans folks, and it never bothered me (if it ever even had).
Years later in San Francisco, I took my teenage nieces & nephews from Maine to the Castro to get a sense of GLBT folks and their life and to see that, while perhaps unusual, it’s all normal. Like most young people, they’re more open than my generation.
That is it
That is it. Gay and trans folks are people, too, and while their path has likely differed from the mainstream (less and less), it’s no less valid, and often a lot more difficult. Support LGBT folks and their community, regardless of your path to get there.
Questions:
How many gay or LGBT friends & colleagues do you have?
How can you make their lives easier?
Have you discussed or covered LGBT+ with your kids?
Resources:
How to Talk to Your Kids About Homosexuality at WikiHow
The Global Divide on Homosexuality Persists by Pew Center